loveless

Dear god

I wanna feel loved..   

A lil kid told me bout his girlfriend the other day, asked me one simple question.

He said, bhaiya, u’ve been in 3 serious relationships, got dumped once and dumped someone twice, been a slut of a guy and humped everything in a skirt, been there and done them all. And you have loved as well, been loved too. But have you ever been someone’s first love ever? And I was like .. No..

Now the lil kid is enjoying it all , the attention the love and I don’t know what all that comes with being someone’s first. I have never been anyone’s first. Certainly not the first for this beautiful girl I so madly want. I so want her to love me.  Because my life feels loveless without her. And loveless most certainly ,dear god,  means lifeless in this life today. And so feel I, dead to my bones, and dead is everything that lies between my skin and them. And yet I continue to live, live in hope. For I hope, and I believe in my hope that the end would be so beautiful. Cause what matters is the end, the last. More than it matters being someone’s first or first of anything. And I know I would never be her first love, for it has come and gone, what feels like, an eon ago. But I pray and hope that I am her last.