a prayer

Dear God.

I had been so restless the last 2 days. I just was uneasy and on the edge every single second of the last 48 hours. And you my dear God know the reason very well. Well of course you do. It was all your doing after all. You made love and you made self respecting people who love. But why did you make ego a part of the whole deal. Why couldn’t you teach, or for that matter pre-program us humans to keep this evil emotion at bay. Or at the least keep it away when it comes to dealing with our loved ones. And this ego you gave us was the cause of my suffering.

I just didn’t call her for last 2 days, well why should only I be calling her up all the time? Why cant she call me now? Why why why why?????? So many times I asked why and that too only for one question. Am I that insecure dear lord? Did you really make me so weak? Well I just realized you did. Or why in your name would I act like an idiot. Idiotic is it to think the way I had been thinking for last 2 days. Of course I should call her ‘cause I am the one who is worried about her, I am the one who is still at home while she is away in a foreign land without many friends, I am the one who loves her. Yes I realize I do and don’t know what it means to her. If it means anything at all. But nonetheless, I will still be the one calling her not expecting her to call me back, not expecting her to love me back. I wont expect… but I still can hope, hope and pray that my love means something to her, that she loves me back.

Oh my dear dear lord, I pray to thee…

 

a lil bit of love

Dear God

Sometimes you know it’s important to have someone to share your sorrows and dreams with… someone to share your excitement and disappointments with.

But what to do, for me there seems to be no one. There is this only guy who comes close to being that someone, but for your own sake I m as straight as it can get.

And then there is family, mummy, papa and gudia.. but then again I m pretty much sure they will have to spend an entire century with me close besides them to even remotely understand what goes through my mind. So u see there actually is no one. No one at all. So please, hook me up. Please do. I know it’s a difficult job, and way too difficult when its someone like me whom you have to do it for. So to make your job a lil easier I have shortlisted the one u can send cupid to target for me.  with the hard part of finding someone done by me, I leave you the easy part to get it over with.

She is like this amazing breath of fresh air.. that someone who makes me go tick tick boom booom and all sortta crazy lovy dovy sounds you can think of. Now usually I m pretty good with words of appreciation, but when it comes to her my mind seems to stop working… it just goes numb. Mind numb= Me Dumb. Now I m fairly intelligent and somewhat cool. But apparently not good enough for her to fall in love with. It seems that I m too FAT and humpty dumpty for her to find some serious romance with. To be honest, I know its important, the looks I mean.. I really do believe in it. Now who are we kidding, me too wouldn’t go in for a fat ass chick no matter how cute and sweet and caring and lovable she is. Then why haven’t I been tryin any harder to be that guy she wants. Well I don’t think I even know what kindda guy she is looking for. As far as I think I know it’s a guy like me from the inside, and a guy like brad pitt (or may be a lil compromise, just a lil bit there…) from outside. And even if I come anywhere remotely close to that guy she is looking for, will she come close to being mine. Well that’s a chance I will have to take. After all how are you supposed to find out what’s at the end of the road if you don’t walk it. So I think I will have to do what it takes and see what I get in return. And oh well you cant always expect something out of everything. Sometimes it’s the effort that matters, and I m willing to make the necessary changes. Ready to start walking the road to the destination that I so hope looks like what I dream about every night. So you mister almighty, how bout just a lil bit of help, a lil bit of hope. How bout just a lil bit of love.