Wednesday, January 6, 2010

loveless

Dear god

I wanna feel loved..   

A lil kid told me bout his girlfriend the other day, asked me one simple question.

He said, bhaiya, u’ve been in 3 serious relationships, got dumped once and dumped someone twice, been a slut of a guy and humped everything in a skirt, been there and done them all. And you have loved as well, been loved too. But have you ever been someone’s first love ever? And I was like .. No..

Now the lil kid is enjoying it all , the attention the love and I don’t know what all that comes with being someone’s first. I have never been anyone’s first. Certainly not the first for this beautiful girl I so madly want. I so want her to love me.  Because my life feels loveless without her. And loveless most certainly ,dear god,  means lifeless in this life today. And so feel I, dead to my bones, and dead is everything that lies between my skin and them. And yet I continue to live, live in hope. For I hope, and I believe in my hope that the end would be so beautiful. Cause what matters is the end, the last. More than it matters being someone’s first or first of anything. And I know I would never be her first love, for it has come and gone, what feels like, an eon ago. But I pray and hope that I am her last. 

Friday, January 1, 2010

promises and requests

My dearest..

A new year is about to begin, bringing in new hopes, new dreams and much more.

So I take this opportunity to say a few things that I’ve always wanted to say. A few I have said in not so many words but most of them always remained unsaid buried deep with in me. I wish I had a way with words like some of the people I know or the articulation that u possess. But what I say comes straight from my heart with all honesty. I for sure am a little scared sending you this, as I don’t know how would you feel or react post knowing what this is about. Took me 2 stiff drinks to muster up the courage to start writing this and god knows how many more for me to be able to send this to you. If you get this, stand informed that I must have been drunk outta my head. I write this today cause I want to step in the New Year knowing that I at least made an attempt  and tried to tell you what I feel for you. No words can truly express what is in my heart but this is at least a try.

You at times have asked me why do I like you so much. Well I could never find the right words to translate my emotions in a verbal format until a month ago. I heard this somewhere and it stands true to the last fact in the world as to what I feel…. I like you beyond everything  because u make me want to be a better man. A man that you can be proud of and stand tall with. A man who reminds you of what you truly are, a woman worthy of all respect and love in the world. I want to be that guy who brings you a smile in the worst of times and brings you strength in the weakest of moments. Someone who never lets you down and someone who always stands up for you. Man, this isn’t easy. All the words in an oxford dictionary can never complete what I want to say. There are also a few promises I would like to make, promises that I promise to keep for ever. I promise to always be there when u need me, I promise that u will always find me right besides you whenever u look to your side. I promise to always hold your hand and never ever try to hold you back from anything you want to do. I promise to be your pillar of strength and your shoulder to rest your worries on. And a promise to love you always no matter what. All I need in return is your companionship. I don’t need much, if I succeed to make you feel the best about yourself each and everyday I spend with you, that knowledge itself would be rewarding enough.  You know there is this song, whenever I hear it, it feels like as if someone wrote those words knowing exactly what I feel for you.  I am sending you the song and the lyrics.. please do listen to it… J

It goes like this………..

 

You're a falling star, you're the get away car.

You're the line in the sand when I go too far.

You're the swimming pool, on an August day.

And you're the perfect thing to say.

 

And you play it coy but it's kinda cute.

Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.

Baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true.

'cause you can see it when I look at you.

 

[Chorus:]

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times

It's you, it's you, you make me sing.

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

 

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,

And you light me up, when you ring my bell.

You're a mystery, you're from outer space,

You're every minute of my everyday.

 

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,

And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.

Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,

And you know that's what our love can do.

 

[Chorus]

 

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

 

[Chorus:]

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times

It's you, it's you, you make me sing.

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're every song, and I sing along.

'Cause you're my everything.

Yeah, yeah

 

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la